November 21, 2008 · No Comments

At dinner tonight with the family, the conversation turned to temporary tattoos (I had recently given my sister a vintage temporary tattoo kit for her birthday since she had previously dressed up for Halloween as a roller girl named “Anne Archy” in the style of Coach Ballbricker of the Charm City Roller Girls).

Since being the antagonizing big brother is Job #1 when it comes to this particular sister, I suggested that we use the temporary tattoos on her cat.

Dad: “But to do that we’d have to shave the cat first!”
Me: “Exactly!”

I then went on to suggest that we could tattoo silhouettes of mice on her cat, kind of like how World War II pilots might paint an icon on the side of their planes to indicate how many kills they’ve achieved.

Me: “We could tattoo these all over your cat for each mouse she’s killed! Then again, she’s never killed any mice, so she wouldn’t have any tattoos. But we wouldn’t want her to feel sad or anything, so to build up her ego we could still tattoo a bunch of mice on her. And since she’s a cat, we could tattoo on her tail: NO STEP.”

 November 21, 2008 · No Comments

The other day I had a conversation with one of my coworkers looking for some compressed air so she could dust off her desk; it went something like this:

Coworker: “Do you have any air I could borrow?”
Me: “Sorry, because of hard times, I’ve been having to keep my air saved up at home in my air mattress.”

 November 21, 2008 · No Comments

From the Associated Press: Fla. man accused of hurling sandwich at girlfriend

The best part of this story is that the type of sandwich remains a secret. But it’s simple to figure out – if he used the sandwich to hit his girlfriend, then it obviously must have been a “club” sandwich.